(This summary will be from Sheldon’s Third-person omniscient/whatever I feel like.)
Our band of merry men and women and robot journeyed towards the Ravencrest Monestary on horseback. However on the way we were passing Rodorn, capital of Rodorn, which is on the contintent of Rodorn, in the Rodorn hemisphere on planet Rodorn.
This locale is the home of Lieutenant Banning Honora Clary Larae Rougemont’s family as well as Leftenant Perry Dalton’s. Considering that we probably hadn’t bathed or felt comfort for three days we thought the luxury of Banning’s estate would be a great reason to stop. Oh yes, and checking on the Daltons too I suppose. Their son did die saving the lives of our party only to face eternity as an abomination controlled by a Lich. So we felt a tit bit responsible. Just a tit.
We were greeted by Frederick, Rougemont’s personal butler. Shall we go through the front door? No, no, let’s walk through a crypt. The crypt was a secret passageway to the Rougemont estate. On the way Sheldon busied himself drawing mustaches and changing the names of all the wanted posters as a readied action. The Rougemont’s are “balling” apparently, their house is like a rap video with enough clawed foot tubs, persian rugs, and gigantic olympic style pools to make Robin Leach jealous. Sheldon turned one pool into wine ala Christ and the other into Jello pudding (mind you they’re not actually these things, but they look, feel, and taste just like them).
Banning thought it best to settle the matter with the Daltons so she set off with Wick Wolf Tiger Chieftain of the Wigger Clan and Petra. Bitch-Tits, Sheldon, the cube, Dorian and Raff stayed behind to bask in opulence respectively. However on their way some guards managed to recognize the wanted Wigger and Monk and gave chase (charged with walking while Wigger). Despite their best efforts, climbing on trees and offering hors d’oeuvres to archers and
climbing/flipping onto walls, what? why isn’t that acrobatics? running away, they met them in battle in a dark alley and dispatched them. “I fucking hate you shroud!” said the archer as he shot blindly into Banning’s Deep Shroud. She would have her revenge as she threw her dagger into his chest before running towards him, pulling out her dagger and stabbing him again. The twist is a free action. Wick fails massively missing his enemy several times before somehow managing to jut claws out with both hands giving the enemy a bear hug which we can only assume explodes his innards. The corpses are then covered with some hay bales which is of course the landing pad for all future-past assassins. Who needs feather fall when you have hay.
They reach the Dalton’s to find that their bakery is unattended. So they promptly break in and discover nothing out of sorts except the absence of his family. There is then some robbing of innocent people, no big deal. Stale bread and a red stapler are taken and no sign of Perry’s shield is found. Someone had left in a hurry, and there is a slight musk of necrotic.
Upon the group’s return Sheldon steps out of his beer-cuzzi (it’s fizzy) and takes on the task of drawing a teleportation rune. Everyone puts in some gold, even Armoratorium despite his cube form. A strength check is performed by Bitch-Tits to shake gold out of him. The runes of “home, movement, and death” denote this hub. “We cover it up with a rug. Don’t double-cross us Frederick, that’s an order.” “Certainly, madam.” Why didn’t we just ask the Rougemonts for some of their money for the teleportation circle? Apparently they’re fucking LOADED. All it would cost them is another ivory backscratcher.
We reach the outlying areas of the monastery but find that it is under siege by the Fjordians with only a “prismatic-bubble” to protect it. The team is discovered by a patrol and to battle they go. Zones, zones, attack, attack, and Sheldon hears, “Mind the fireball.” The half-orc looks to the heavens and sees its’ approach and commands his group to GTFO. Luckily the enemies seemed to be gangraping Raff and the explosion kills everyone but Raff leaving a wolf-shaped shadow where the fireball landed. Sheldon is commanded to draw “home, wind, move” in teleportation. They arrive inside Ravencrest which is being assaulted by sperm, I mean, thousands of Fjordian forces. Sheldon greets his mentor with a magic high-five, “nice shot” in reference to the fireball. Solanus Sunstrider, who is a total bamf that he could conjure a gigantic bubble to hold off thousands of soldiers and still manage to save our asses with a ridiculous fireball, discusses the situation and lets them know where they can find the Priestess Miko Tsujikame who is the Guardian Maiden of Ravencrest.
Raff, Petra, and Banning meet her near the Chamber of Purity. She whips out Selynda Sunstrider’s bow which is the ancient weapon we need, “Can we have it?” Raff slaps Petra. We need to retrieve the last piece to make the weapon whole so we have to go through THE TRIALS OF THE CHAMBER OF PURITY, typically an act reserved for testing the next Maiden of the Monastery. and we do this after discovering that NAVITASH IS MINHARATH’S BROTHER gaspers* Minharath had a relationship with Selynda Sunstrider which spawned Solanus. However Navitash was jealous and evil and caused their relationship to end. Banning would get the feeling about the relationship but Sheldon would have a better idea of Solanus being their son.
Selynda’s tomb which contains the last piece of the bow floats high above Ravencrest so that she can protect it, “The Moon never wanes over Ravencrest” was the saying.
THE GAUNTLET OF DREAMS aka THE BLAME GAME
Petra- The mother of the monastery is stabbed and she is blamed for not being able to save the monastery. (monastery too ornate)
Raff- Raff is blamed by the King for not saving him (King didn’t really know his name).
Wick- Norian blames Wick for not saving the village from Fjordians (young Olean)
Dorian- Captain blames her for not searching for crew
BT- Ironhelm in ruins, Dwarf King dead
Sheldon- Solanus does a headspin
Banning- Dark Perry
Tablet “Selune always watches over us.” Raff sticks it in the tablet. The ring that is. The group teleports to the floating casket in the sky and combat ensues with pushing enemies and an icicle treadmill. Minharath-ish spirit is combated with. The crew then stands on four panels and another group yells at each other about translucent panels for half an hour before SUCCESS.
On the sarcophagus: “True to her love, betrayed by her brother, she found no hate for those who wronged her. Her last words, “I’ll see you on the other side. I have to go first.” Petra then gets the now completed version of Sunstrider Bow +2 Primeshot, although she is not the Head Priestess. Priestess Sujikame shoots an arrow out into the distance to test its capabilities, effectively ending some undiscovered civilization out in the boonies. Sheldon then recalls something he read which would allow any one of us to challenge Erik in MORTAL KOMBAT for 1000 gold, or conditions or something. We level up to 8 and take an extended rest.
And that’s what you missed on Glee.